Santa lives

 At what age does Santa become a fairytale? When my 7 year old wasn't willing to part with a seldom played with toy to give to charity, I threatened that there would be no toys for Christmas. Her reply naturally was that Santa would bring her toys.

I thought 7 is a good age to learn the truth. "Santa doesn't exist." Bad move!!! The tears started and the argument ensued that he most certainly does exist. "He's not going to exist for you this year," was my quick recovery. Is she going to fall for it? Wait for it.... Explanation accepted and crisis averted.

So 7 isn't the right age, at least not for her. I don't remember how old I was when I discovered mom put the pressies under the tree and not some fat guy in a red suit and white beard.

But the truth will have to be balanced when it does come out, because I still want my youngest to enjoy the fantasy of childhood, and that includes still thinking that there is a Santa for a few years to come. I mean she's only 2 and a half and deserves the same luxury my eldest has had of imagination.

A luxury that others don't have. Which was why I was trying to reduce their stockpile of toys to donate to the less fortunate. And then the logic of my 7 year old struck!

"Mommy, why doesn't Santa visit the poor people?" Think, think, think. You can't say he doesn't exist, unless you want her world to fall apart again. "Um, because poor people don't stay in the same place all the time, so he can't find them." Silence while this is being processed. "Oh, ok." Thank goodness, she's accepted that. But just for good measure I added; "And Santa is using us as his helpers by giving toys to the poor."

Happy that all was well with the world she trotted away. So Santa lives on for another year in our house.

Sad Play

This morning I found myself, not for the first time since I've had kids, wishing I'd gone and done some kind of psychology course. Specifically, child psychology. How do I help my 7 year old child who is crying because at break time she needs to FIND friends? Find, because they:

• already have enough for the game they are playing - it only needs 4 players
• don't want to play with her
• play for a little while and then leave
• have run out of class, without taking her with

This is a little girl who has such a soft heart.And listening to this, my heart breaks.

Now I'm one of those mom's who automatically asks, "What did you do to them?" I don't believe my daughter is beyond reproach or perfect. She doesn't seem to think she's done anything wrong. Was she being bossy and the kids have had enough? No? It could still be that, but now I start to think that maybe it could be the other kids being nasty. I've seen it before with my own eyes.

But why? She doesn't dress funny, or have bad breath or any birth marks that the kids can tease her about. So why don't the kids want to play with my precious little girl. It's not like she's trying to make new friends. She's been at school with them for a year, some for two years. How do I get to the bottom of this without lining the culprits up against the wall and giving them 20 questions? I'm sure moms and dads would love me for that, not to mention the school.

I've brought it up with the teacher before and she spoke to the class, but here we are again. I know I can't protect her from all the lessons in life, and I shouldn't. But how do I give her the right advise to deal with this lesson?

There it goes

I watch as it passes by down there. I don't place myself above it for any reason of superiority, but rather because I am watching it happen and like flying in a helicopter, above is a great vantage point. 

I feel disjointed and disconnected from my own life. As it happens I am but a mere observer. This is such a strange feeling inside of me. Things are happening and I'm watching. I've stopped myself from getting too emotionally involved with certain situations so as to avoid disappointment, but at the same time I'm  stopping myself from living my life and experiencing everything, good or bad. 

I see the days go by on the calendar but couldn't tell you what I've been doing, or accomplished. In limbo, waiting. But waiting for what. I'm not even sure. I could speculate, but I don't really have the energy to analyze it nor the inclination.

I go about by chores and make sure they're all done, so I am living my life am I not? I don't think I've let anybody down or missed any important appointments. My family seem all fine and are carrying on. So it is good is it not? 

Ah ha! That's it. I've made sure everyone else is ok, but I haven't taken that same time and care with myself. I have dreams and aspirations, but am not making the time for them. It's time I fall from the sky, back into my life and start directing it.

Here I go!